10 days since I last wrote, and everything, yet nothing, has changed. I'm still off the rails, I'm an emotional wreck at work. I'm a completely different person there - on the verge of tears, always ready to jump out of my seat at the slightest noise. I'm withdrawn and quiet. I overreact to every situation and am paranoid that everyone is plotting against me, even though my rational mind knows that they couldn't give two hoots about me.
I had an emotional meeting with my manager where I brought up these feelings and related them to incidents that have happened over the past two weeks. He certainly understands where I'm coming from but there isn't much he can do about it, seeing as it's mostly personal bad blood between myself and that other team member. It's becoming more clear to me that she won't be leaving any time soon, so I have set myself a deadline.
September 1st is the day I'll resign, regardless of whether I have a new job or not. September 1st is the first day of Spring, and traditionally a day of new beginnings. It'll be my new beginning.
Until my new beginning, I can't just hang around waiting for the rest of my life to change. I need to get ready for the new start, get myself organised. I need to get my head sorted with food and exercise, so that I'm at the ready for whatever life throws at me after that date. I'll be analysing my habits with both food and exercise - using the tools I have at my disposal to work out where I go wrong and what I can do to change my mindset around my habits. I'll use those tools to build healthier habits, choose more wisely, and finally change for the better.
I want to write more often, but I will probably do that privately - I'm not sure yet. I can feel things shifting, I just need to embrace it.
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