A little sunshine on the horizon.

I've been having trouble at work. Mostly because I'm done there - I've outgrown my role, I'm bored, and people don't have the same work ethic I do and it pisses me off. I brought these things to the attention of my boss, but had to go as far as emailing my concerns and using words like 'sexual harassment', 'bullying' and 'HR department' before he would take me seriously. Basically, I work in a room full of people who give each other sh*t all day, act inappropriately towards each other, and make every conversation into something sexual, regardless of the context of the conversation, while doing as little work as possible and getting away with it.

So while I participate on occasion, I don't think this behaviour is normal, nor should it be accepted as normal. One day someone is going to push someone else too hard, too far, and it's going to explode out of control. I decided to draw attention to the fact that perhaps things are getting out of hand, and we should all be spoken to regarding what's considered appropriate behaviour in a supposedly professional workplace.

Fast forward to a week later, some things have been said regarding certain people's behaviour (all quite professionally I might add) and this has resulted in everyone asking everyone else until they realised it was me that said something and promptly pretending I don't exist. Which is fine during inane chit-chat but not so fine when I have something to contribute to something relating to work. Like solving a problem or helping someone out. Like what is my ACTUAL job there.

So I've got my head down and my bum up, and am just working away, not speaking to anyone for 8 hours and feeling like an idiot for bringing it up, but not feeling like I've done the wrong thing at the same time, trying to ignore the girl who sits opposite me and is learning to whistle and spends more time telling everyone she how busy she is than working, willing my boss to pull people up on their once again increasingly bad behaviour and seething when he joins in. This is not healthy for me. I'm a ball of anger once home time rolls around, which is nice for the treadmill, the oval, or the bike, but not so nice for my husband who shares the car-ride home with me.

About a week ago, I applied for another position internally, in another department, doing similar stuff, for more pay. Applications closed today, and this afternoon I had a phone interview (which was weird, because the HR chick sits about 50 metres away from me, yet I sat in the hallway on the phone looking over at her desk...) and have a sit-down interview with HR and the Head of the new department on Monday morning. I really hope this comes through, and that my manager releases me early (we have a 4-week notice period, but sometimes they let things slide) so that I can get out of the toxicity that is my daily work life.

I know that a lot of it is just my perception of events, and the negative thoughts that I 'think' others have towards me, but I'm not the kind of person who wakes up and dreads going to work, so I don't much like doing that right now. I don't like how angry I am getting, and I don't like how many negative thoughts are running through my head for 8 hours a day. I've applied for about 30 jobs online, and have had one interview, one email saying 'thanks but no thanks' and NOTHING from the other 28! It's been about 6 years since I applied for a job, and it's gotten so impersonal - basically if you don't hear something within about a day of the applications closing, you write it off as a no. It's really disheartening - how hard is it to send a generic 'thanks but no thanks' email of an afternoon?

So... that's my work life...

Now to my SMASHlife. It's going okay, all things considered. While I don't consider myself an 'emotional eater', my eating patterns are linked to my emotions. I don't eat to suppress feelings, but I do eat when I'm not motivated, when I'm upset or angry, or when I'm bored. When I'm happy and excited about life, my food intake is superb. So needless to say, over the last few weeks, my eating has gotten worse, and that is showing on the scales.

My exercise is improving. I'm committed to my boxing/circuit double session on a Saturday morning, and am averaging 3 gym or oval sessions on weekdays. I'm beginning to feel coordinated when running (well... jogging...) and have resolved to stop trying to breathe with some sort of ratio to stride and just breathing without thinking about it. It seems to be working, funnily enough. I've improved my interval times (up to 8x 2:30 runs with 1:30 walks in between) and have steadily increased my time spent on my 'long run' of the week from 3 minutes to 15 minutes in just 5 weeks. I'm still terrible with prioritising strength training - but I know this has to pick up if I have any hope of losing weight so am doing some bodyweight stuff at home of a night time once or twice a week. Tonight was a core workout and BOY do I need to work on that - probably every night if I want that to improve because my core is terrible!

Cross your fingers, or pray, or jump on one leg (however you send good vibes to people) that this new job works out. I'm using the power of positive thinking to will things to go in my favour.