Trophies are not the only measure of success.

I learned this at an early age, but never really understood it until this week. On Sunday last week, my calisthenics team had our first competition. We came 6th out of 7 teams. We didn't do anything terribly, it's just that the other teams were more polished, more tidy, more together. Yesterday, the team I coach had their first competition. They came 3rd out of 3 teams. They didn't do anything terribly (they even got 2nd for 3 out of 7 performances!), the others were just better on the day.

Were both teams failures? No way.

I was so proud of my girls yesterday afternoon - they did what I asked, when I asked them to. They behaved in the dressing room (which was cramped, stuffy, and tedious) and were even nice to their mothers most of the time. There was little bickering between the girls both during quick changes and long waits between performances. On stage they performed well - I didn't see anything on the stage that I haven't seen at practice. The critique papers I received at the end of the competition were both positive and constructive - the judge could see what I was aiming for and was constructive in her criticism of the actual performance. I'm glad that the things I call out each week are the things that were mentioned as improvements, and that time and practice are the only things we need.

As a coach, it's difficult to be judged on something you have poured so much of yourself into. It's heartwarming to have that work praised and performed well, and to have the girls who have worked hard to please me be rewarded for that effort on the scoreboard. What most pleased me yesterday was the gratitude from the parents and the genuine joy from the girls BEFORE results were announced.

With the team that I perform in, it was a different story. We performed well and were not rewarded with results on the board, and in turn, were looking for someone to blame for our bad results. Yes, everyone put in a little extra effort on stage and that changes things. Yes, nerves take over BIG TIME and that changes things. We were calling for extra practices and changes to routines.... and then we had a video night. We are lucky that most of our performances are filmed - so we headed off to watch the playback as a team. After it had finished, there was a collective sigh of relief. It wasn't terrible after all. Yes, some things happened that don't usually happen, but these things won't happen next time. We'll learn from the experience and improve. Some changes will be (and already have been) made. It wasn't bad, it just wasn't good enough.

As human beings we are constantly looking for success. We thrive on it. I think we need to look for success in all places - not just as results on a board, but as small victories. Nailing a move, smiling at a stranger, setting and achieving a goal, getting enough sleep, drinking more water, seeing the sunshine and getting out in it. Success is all around. Disappointment has to occur for the full measure of success to be realised. Sometimes success or failure is determined by our outlook on the moment - and I am determined to use a positive outlook instead of jumping to the negative all the time.

So yes, it has been a successful week!

Musings of a trolley pusher

My new job is amazingly wonderful. I truly love it. Getting out into the sunshine, chatting to locals, using my body for what it was designed for... I love it! There are some things I've noticed during my week of pushing trolleys, so I thought I'd compile a list here:

# People do not look where they are walking. They're either checking their phone, ogling the wares of the shops, or simply staring at the floor. Anywhere but straight ahead, where I am stopped with my row of trolleys, having given up trying to work out which way they're going to veer next.

# I leave a gap of approx 1 metre on one side of me - generally looking ahead at the traffic in the shopping centre, I see my line of travel and stick to one side of the causeway, avoiding most people or going with the flow of traffic. People will ALWAYS try to squeeze by on the other side, where I'm destined to hit them or squish them between a wall and my trolleys.

# Coin locks are a pain. Coin locks that work differently for different stores are a nightmare for trolley pushers who generally only have the 'magic key' for one type of trolley yet still have to try to sort out the mess that is the trolley bay in the carpark.

# With trolleys, the slower you go, the easier they are to control. It still doesn't mean they're easy, or that I can swerve out of someone's way who decides they want to cut in front of me. I haven't hit anyone (or anything!) yet, but there have been some close calls.

# Yes, I am a girl. Yes, I am pushing trolleys. No, the boys aren't lazy. No, they're not too heavy. Yes, I chose this job. Yes, I'll still be here in a few weeks because I'm not giving up.

# Some people simply cannot smile, or be polite. I continue to smile and be polite because that's just who I am.

There will always be people who believe that my job is beneath me, beneath them, and suitable only for the scum of the earth. This job means more to me than you know...

This job means that someone is paying me to lose weight. My gym membership is useless as I get a full body cardio and strength workout daily. I've lost more weight than I thought I would in only my first week, and I can feel myself getting stronger. That's just the beginning.

I can finally see light in my life. You never know how much you hate something until you don't have to do it any more - and I REALLY hated my old job. I adore getting out into the sunshine - and I'm pretty sure I am affected by SAD (lack of sunlight in winter makes you more depressed and/or anxious) so being out all day is amazing. Although I'm exhausted and everything hurts I still find myself with a smile on my face much more often than not. My husband is now considering his options with his own work - thinking about making a change for himself towards making things different for him as well. I love that we inspire each other, and allow each other to explore options that might go either way. He's allowed me the time I needed to refresh, and now it's his turn!

I have goals again. Things I want to achieve both at work and at home. I no longer feel like I'm stuck on the treadmill of life and have to suck it up until it gets better.

I did that.

I made it better.

She works hard for the money!

Soooooo hard for it honey!!!

Well I started my new job 3 days ago and let me tell you... I never imagined I would enjoy it as much as I do! I have walked more steps than I ever imagined I would, but most of all I feel like what I am doing is actually achieving something.

The store I am working at is very local - I shop there regularly and have now walked the entire centre more times than I care to count. The other staff are very friendly and I'm finding I don't even have to try to smile or chat to people. I don't have to pretend to be happy because I'm genuinely super-enthusiastic about my job. I don't do much except run around collecting trolleys, but I also do a bit of cleaning.

My fitbit stats are going through the roof!! My first day was just over 28,000 steps, yesterday was 32,500 and today was just over 27,000. For someone who averaged 2,000-3,000 a day at a desk job, it's a massive change. My feet are both blistered and my muscles are aching all over. I never realised pushing some trolleys used muscles in my back, abs, legs, and arms. I'm earning more calories in 'extra allowance' than I'm eating in a day - so am effectively in 'negative' calories for the day. If I don't lose weight at this job, I'll know there's something seriously wrong with me!

I weighed in Monday morning at 120.4kg. I told myself I wouldn't let myself get over 120 again (after starting 4 years ago at 135!!) and so I know that this is the catalyst I need to finish this once and for all.

I was thinking about it today - someone is actually PAYING me to lose weight. In fact, one of the country's biggest employers is paying me to LOSE WEIGHT. Who else can say that?

Sometimes people surprise you.

I heard from someone just now, via Facebook, who I hadn't heard from in a few weeks, and never expected to hear from again. It surprised me.

My first thought was 'How genuine is this person?'. She is someone that isn't 'friends' with me on Facebook, so it's not like she saw a post and thought 'I wonder how Mrs P is?'. She's from my old workplace, and was the person who most supported me during my difficulties there towards the end. At the time, I really appreciated her support and respected her for standing up for me, but I truly never expected her to contact me after it was all over.

She surprised me, and not many people do that these days. We've had a nice catch-up over private messages, and I probably won't speak to her again for a while.

In truth, the way I left that place that had been my home for 6 years was unpleasant. I felt like I was shoved out the door (even though it was my decision to leave that quickly) with a quick pat on the back and a 'thanks for coming'. I've been having dreams about confronting people who I worked with, about being forced back to working there, and have woken up shaken and disturbed. This short conversation won't change that, I don't think, but it's good to know that I made an impression on someone, and that someone has tried to contact me since I left. It only took 5 weeks...