Sticky Fingers

I awoke with an awareness that I had sticky fingers. Rubbing them together I couldn’t identify the substance that covered them. What had happened in my sleep? Had I defecated and not been conscious enough to realise?

A quick mental scan of my body revealed the substance was also on my leg, and widely spread across my sheet. I reached across to switch on the light and discovered that the substance was brown. Oh god, I did…

Not one to shy away from a difficult situation, I slowly brought my fingers to my nose. Not believing that I had, in fact, pooed myself, I needed to sniff the evidence. The smell wasn’t what I was expecting. I did have a headcold, and couldn’t identify it straight away. I indulged my curiosity and stuck out my tongue. I couldn’t believe that I was about to eat my own excrement, but I needed to know.

It was sweet. It was sticky.

Image thanks to Google Images

I haven’t eaten in bed since that day. Chocolate melts and goes everywhere when you fall asleep on a block! 

Peace

What do I do when it isn't going as I thought it would? What do I do when I'm STILL not at goal weight, when I'm actually heading up in scale number rather than down? What do I do when I realise that losing weight is just not what I truly want right now? What do I do when my whole outlook on life has changed?

For the last 5 years AT LEAST, my life has revolved around losing weight. Around trying to find the way that is finally going to help me achieve that ideal weight, to become the person I think I should be. But a couple of days ago, I realised that who I think I should be doesn't necessarily reflect who I am.

I am a strong, confident, talented woman who is essentially happy with every single fucking aspect of her life right now. How many people can say that they enjoy waking up every day because there is something to look forward to, something exciting, or something to challenge them? Yes, I have days where I struggle and wonder if I'm doing the right thing or putting the right things first. But I also have days where I start and end with a smile on my face and a feeling of satisfaction that the path I'm on is the one I'm meant to be travelling.

There has been a shift, and I haven't noticed. I no longer focus on calories or punishing myself through exercise. I focus on enjoying food - sometimes too much. I focus on exercising for enjoyment - sometimes this means slowing to a walk and enjoying the sunshine on my face and the wind in my hair.

Things are going so well and I feel like I should feel guilty for not following Isagenix to a tee. For not taking the business opportunity it provides and running with it. But the truth is, I don't. I love the program for what it can offer, and I will continue to use the products in conjunction with a healthy outlook and attitude towards food. If the opportunity comes up to share this with someone else, I will take it. I will be an advocate for the benefits as I see them, and give a truthful, genuine review if requested.

It's been a week of revelation for me, and I feel a little freedom in knowing that I'm ok with me right now. It's like the vice that was squeezing me has been released. I feel peace, and I haven't felt that for a very long time. This peace feels good, and I know that it's right for me.

Peace is good.