Looking back on the year

This year has been a ride, that's for sure!

I'm sitting here in a house we moved into 2 months ago, feeling the kicks of the baby we so dearly wanted, trying to plan out how the nursery will be set up. I'm looking at boxes containing the pram and car seat that we're too scared to open because we heard it's bad luck to open them too early. I'm wondering when exactly it is that I'm allowed to set them up? How early is too early? Apparently we need to get the car seat fitted before the baby arrives, but when do we do that without bringing on the bad luck? Where's the line between being organised and being slack? How far can we push it? Can my husband ring the fitters while I'm in labour? Do I leave him to put the pram together while I'm pushing?

It's getting to that time now where I'm looking forward to what's coming next for our little family, but at the same time I'm spending a lot of time reflecting on the year that's been. This time last year I was excited to be 'trying'. We'd just moved back to my side of town to be closer to my family after spending 3 years living an hour away. I had just been given the fantastic opportunity to take over the calisthenics club I love, and started a new temporary job with an agency. My husband had quit his job and was due to start a new one in the new year.


Fast forward 12 months and we're getting ready to welcome the baby. We both stayed in the same jobs and my husband is currently gunning for a promotion that will see him earn a bit more (woo!) but also be more challenged mentally, rather than physically as he is now. I really hope he gets it - he's worked hard for the last 12 months to build a rapport with the company and prove that he's there for the long haul. I'm worried that if he doesn't get it, he'll need to look for a new job with a new company and start again from the bottom - he's stressing that we won't have enough money once I stop working to look after bubs. It will be tight, we always knew that, but he's feeling the pinch to earn more. It's sad that it's not feasible for me to go back to work full-time - we've been doing our research and full-time child care coupled with my current wage will actually leave us worse off financially than me not working and receiving some benefits from the government. I may be able to pick up some part-time work with the agency I began this job with, but child care isn't something I can arrange if I get a phone call to temp somewhere... so for now I'll be looking after the house and bubs and the hubster will be the sole breadwinner. Scary stuff!

Even scarier is the prospect of actually having this kid. Up until now, my life has been about me, and then about my husband and myself. Now there's someone else we have to consider, and even more than just consider. For the next 20 years at least, someone else is ALWAYS going to come first. Our needs and wants will take a back seat to keeping this kid alive - at least for the first few months! After that it's all about making them happy, giving them the best start, and teaching them how to be a great human being. It's questioning our choices, walking the fine line between giving them everything and spoiling them rotten. It's making endless decisions, falling down and getting back up. I hope we're ready because there's really no going back now..

Cheers to a relaxing end to 2015 and welcome to 2016!

It's been a while... again...

But I've been super busy making something. It's not finished yet, and it will be another 6 months or so before it IS finished...

It seems so long to wait for something that I have been waiting a long time for already. It's something I didn't think was possible given what's been going on for the last few years but I am super excited to show you the reason I won't be losing weight any time soon.



This kid will be joining us in March 2016 :) I am so stoked, and I didn't think it was possible to be more excited than I am, but my husband is positively bouncing off the walls!!!

What if....

Today as I was driving through the Hungry Jacks Drive-Thru (woops! so not part of the plan...) getting 6 nuggets and a small chips for $3 I had a thought. What if food cost how many calories it was?

What if fruit and veg was cheaper per 100g than say chocolate or chips or fast food? Would I still make the choices I make? Would it influence the way I eat at all?

I read about all the advances in technology where in the future we could be implanted with a chip connected to our bank account so there would be no physical money. What if it went a step further and food was only available via scanning your chip? What if you got turned away from a restaurant because you'd already eaten your allotment for the day? What if restaurants and supermarkets didn't exist and we went to a central place to get our food for the day?

On the one hand I would be flabbergasted and embarrassed and enraged. On the other hand maybe it would make my life so much easier. I freakin LOVE food. I spend way too much of my time thinking about what I'm going to eat next, how things taste, what I can make...

What if?

Learning to change my thinking

These last couple of weeks I have been learning to change my thinking around food. WW is good because there are no restrictions on what I can eat - but sometimes that can be a bad thing! It gives you a certain amount to eat each day, and then some extra to use over the week to allow for splurges and extra indulgences. The first week I didn't use any of the extra ProPoints but the next two weeks I used them all plus more.

This week I have vowed to end the week with Propoints to spare and with one day to go it's looking promising. The interesting thing is that I have still indulged in the foods that tipped me over the edge in those two weeks, but I have been able to 'ration' the portions a bit better by keeping mindful of what I am eating and trying not to eat mindlessly.

If there is one thing I have learned over the last few years, it's that I am no good with withdrawal. I am a binge-eater and absolutely love eating sweet foods. The more I think I can't have something, the more I want it, and the more I will eat when I eventually cave in.

This isn't gonna be easy... or quick... but it will happen!

A new improvement

How many different weight-loss plans have I been on now? Golly me... so many. So many failed attempts and here I am sitting right back where I started more than 4 years ago. When I saw that number on the scales 10 days ago, I knew I had to do something. But what? What is out there that I haven't done? What miracle cure will finally be the one that gives me my bikini body?

When I looked in the mirror, the answer was staring me in the face.

Me.

I'm the miracle cure that gives me my bikini body.

So I thought about how I want to do it, and came up with a bit of a list:

-Eat real food, without restricting food groups or types of food
-Exercise for enjoyment and health, not punishment
-Be accountable to someone I don't know, who is a real person that I have to look in the eye

The first time I lost weight, I did it for a work Biggest Loser competition. Each week, we weighed in with a guy from the HR department who was sworn to secrecy. That was a huge motivator because I did NOT want to step on the scales in front of him and have him know that I had put on weight. I need that pressure again.

The next few times I have done online programs where everything is spelled out for me, and I weigh in online, chat to others online, and pretend to stick to the program. It clearly hasn't worked for me.

It's back to the face-to-face contact that I know I thrive on. 10 days, two meetings, a successful weigh in and a positive attitude later... I'm doing okay. Hello Weight Watchers!

What's new? I'm 32!

Hello world. It's the new me. How many new me's have there been? Too many to count.

Today is my birthday. I'm 32. Half a lifetime ago, 32 sounded OLD. I figured I would be married with a house and a couple of kids. I'm halfway there - we've done the marriage thing, we're halfway to a deposit and we're trying for kids. I still feel a little unaccomplished, but with time I'm realising that my life is what I make it. Things have happened in the order and the timing that they have because that is the way they are meant to be.

There's no use wishing the time away until my life is perfect because let's face it - perfect doesn't exist! I am working on so many parts of myself that sometimes it's all too hard and I just give up for a day or a week or a month... and that's okay.

Every day is a fresh beginning. Today was a good day, and tomorrow will be too!

Easter fun

For Easter this year we went camping with some friends who have a rural property. It was absolutely fantastic!

I'm not a camper - we used to go camping when I was younger, but I haven't done it in 20 years. My husband and I bought a tent and some sleeping bags a year or so ago. He told me he loves camping and fishing and all that outdoor stuff - yet in the 4 years we've been together, he hasn't tried to go once. I was super sceptical when our friends suggested we accompany them for the weekend, but my husband seemed keen so we went along.

A couple of conversations with our friends to sort out who was bringing what made me a little more excited, but also brought attention to the fact that I had NO IDEA HOW TO CAMP.

Fast forward to the day of departure and we got a phone call that our friend's baby daughter was sick and they needed to take her to the doctor, so we would be delayed by a couple of hours. After that small hiccup, we were off!

The weekend was filled with a lot of marshmallows, building and poking fires, walking, and generally just sitting around talking nonsense. I learned how to cook all sorts of things on a fire, in coals, and on a barbecue. I learned how to watch someone else put up a tent, how to use a long-drop (that's a bush toilet for those who don't know!), and how to avoid doing the dishes by volunteering to cook.

It was an awesome weekend. It was a lot of work to get there, and quite a bit once we got home with all the washing and cleaning and unpacking.... but I was super relaxed and it was so nice to get away from all the hustle and bustle. We didn't have phone reception or internet access so we were truly cut off from the outside world.

We'll be doing it again once the weather warms up again - I may not be a princess when it comes to not having a shower or power.... but I hate being cold!!

Sticky Fingers

I awoke with an awareness that I had sticky fingers. Rubbing them together I couldn’t identify the substance that covered them. What had happened in my sleep? Had I defecated and not been conscious enough to realise?

A quick mental scan of my body revealed the substance was also on my leg, and widely spread across my sheet. I reached across to switch on the light and discovered that the substance was brown. Oh god, I did…

Not one to shy away from a difficult situation, I slowly brought my fingers to my nose. Not believing that I had, in fact, pooed myself, I needed to sniff the evidence. The smell wasn’t what I was expecting. I did have a headcold, and couldn’t identify it straight away. I indulged my curiosity and stuck out my tongue. I couldn’t believe that I was about to eat my own excrement, but I needed to know.

It was sweet. It was sticky.

Image thanks to Google Images

I haven’t eaten in bed since that day. Chocolate melts and goes everywhere when you fall asleep on a block! 

Peace

What do I do when it isn't going as I thought it would? What do I do when I'm STILL not at goal weight, when I'm actually heading up in scale number rather than down? What do I do when I realise that losing weight is just not what I truly want right now? What do I do when my whole outlook on life has changed?

For the last 5 years AT LEAST, my life has revolved around losing weight. Around trying to find the way that is finally going to help me achieve that ideal weight, to become the person I think I should be. But a couple of days ago, I realised that who I think I should be doesn't necessarily reflect who I am.

I am a strong, confident, talented woman who is essentially happy with every single fucking aspect of her life right now. How many people can say that they enjoy waking up every day because there is something to look forward to, something exciting, or something to challenge them? Yes, I have days where I struggle and wonder if I'm doing the right thing or putting the right things first. But I also have days where I start and end with a smile on my face and a feeling of satisfaction that the path I'm on is the one I'm meant to be travelling.

There has been a shift, and I haven't noticed. I no longer focus on calories or punishing myself through exercise. I focus on enjoying food - sometimes too much. I focus on exercising for enjoyment - sometimes this means slowing to a walk and enjoying the sunshine on my face and the wind in my hair.

Things are going so well and I feel like I should feel guilty for not following Isagenix to a tee. For not taking the business opportunity it provides and running with it. But the truth is, I don't. I love the program for what it can offer, and I will continue to use the products in conjunction with a healthy outlook and attitude towards food. If the opportunity comes up to share this with someone else, I will take it. I will be an advocate for the benefits as I see them, and give a truthful, genuine review if requested.

It's been a week of revelation for me, and I feel a little freedom in knowing that I'm ok with me right now. It's like the vice that was squeezing me has been released. I feel peace, and I haven't felt that for a very long time. This peace feels good, and I know that it's right for me.

Peace is good.

Improving All The Time :)

This weekend I did my third parkrun and got my third PB. Since we started we have cut 2 minutes off our first time, we've started making friends with the other runners, and we've become super supportive of other runners on the course.

It's pretty freaking amazing.

Just keep swimming, swimming, swimming!

In this caper that I call my life, one mantra comes out more often than the others, and it is by perhaps one of Disney's most lovable offsiders in a long time.

'Just keep swimming', Dory keeps saying. That's how I'm feeling at the moment.

Calisthenics has gone crazy - I've taken a much bigger role in the running of the club, as well as teaching two sections this year so I'm well and truly entrenched in the swing of it again. Two nights a week plus weekend time is beginning to take it out of me and we're only two weeks in!

Work is going well - I'm still only a temp worker but it doesn't look like I'll be leaving any time soon. The girls I work with are great and I feel like a part of the team. Such a change from the last couple of workplaces where I have really felt alone or on the outside.

Fitness is improving - my friend and I have been going to parkrun (done it twice now!) and I've been walking or riding to work most days. I'm loving that exercise is something that happens without much thought. I just do it, I don't agonise over it, it just happens. Of course I need to work out my schedule and which days I have a bit more time (walking), a bit of time (riding) or no time at all (driving) between work and whatever else is happening.

Food is swinging wildly between reckless abandon and sticking to the program. This is one area where I need to stop and think before I make a rash decision because I am super bad at reigning myself in. I'm still on a downward trend weight-wise, but if I don't get some control back, it could get way out of hand. I need to trust in the Isagenix system and stop making excuses to stray from it. The times that I have deviated, I have really felt it the next day - sometimes almost like a hangover! Both sugar and fat make me feel a bit gross, and I need to remember that. Breaking habits from 10+ years of being on my own is hard, but it will be worth it in the long run. I need to think more about the big picture.

Health is key. Just keep swimming.

More results, new things, and some revelations!

RESULTS

Yesterday was Day 41, so weigh and measure day. Boy was I excited to measure up... waiting 11 days and 20 days respectively is proving tough, but well worth the wait it seems.

I'm now 8.5kg down, and 102cm smaller over the 10 or so measurements that get taken. Pretty bloody chuffed.

NEW THINGS

I'm making an effort to do new things, and I've done a couple this week.

Firstly, I ran my first parkrun at Lillydale Lake. It's a 5km course (2 laps of the lake) and I wanted to do it in under an hour. I smashed that and finished in just over 45 minutes. Super happy! My friend did it with me and we challenged each other to 'run to the next pole', pick up the pace, and go a bit slower when we needed to. It was awesome. Because it's free, we're aiming to do it every week, and volunteer a couple of times too!

Next, I took a practice walk to work. Looking at the map, I found a bike path that runs pretty much directly from my house to my work. The walk took just under half an hour each way, and I decided that I would now walk or ride my bike whenever possible.

Monday morning came, and I rode my bike. Ten minutes each way. Tuesday, I walked. Half an hour each way. Wednesday I had to drive as I have class straight after work. Sad face. And today, I walked again.

REVELATIONS

I don't really feel like chocolate much any more. I mean, I can go to the supermarket, stand in the choccy aisle staring at all of the bars, and I walk away, because it's really not worth it. If I can't decide which one I want, why should I eat one at all?

I've exercised every day this week, and not once has it been a chore. It's amazing how good it feels to WANT to do it, and to ACTUALLY do it without really thinking about it. In the past, I've psyched myself up to do something, spent hours thinking about it, and not really done it. Or started, and stopped fairly quickly. This time I really want to do it, and I'm thinking about ways to work exercise in to my life, instead of working out ways to get out of it.

And the final revelation.... I will NEVER get sick of squishy bread rolls smothered in butter. Life cannot be complete without them, and I will figure out a way to enjoy them responsibly. Eventually.




Find your local parkrun here. What a brilliant initiative!

Day 30 Results

This morning was my 30th morning, and it was a good one.

My weigh and measure went well. Photos will NOT be posted as I can't tell the difference and I'm not game to put pics of myself in my undies all over the internet just yet...

Weight change: 5kg down (exactly!) Not lost, gone. Released. Never to be returned.
Measurement change: A bloody ridiculous 72cm GONE from my body.
Mindset change: Dramatic.



Happy.

Trying new things Number 2

Today I tried a couple of new things. Go me!

Firstly, when a colleague suggested earlier in the week that we go and exercise together, before making an excuse, I said yes. Usually I only exercise with people who really know me, so I don't embarrass myself or feel like I'm letting them down by being slow/fat/unfit. So tonight, I found myself in the gorgeous Dandenong Ranges, hiking and attempting the 1000 steps.

The 1000 steps is a trail dedicated to the Aussies and locals who lost their lives on the Kokoda Track. It's a tough walk, and we managed about halfway up the steps before turning back. Another colleague who is much fitter ran ahead and we met her on her way back down. We've made plans to do it again next week and see if we can make it to the top. The best thing was that the colleague I was with is roughly the same fitness level as I, so we encouraged each other when needed and I really enjoyed myself.

The second new thing I tried was the new Raspberry flavoured e+shot from Isagenix.

It's a quick hit of caffeine derived from natural sources and was just the thing I needed before my walk. Low calorie, high energy - it didn't leave me jittery like other caffeine hits (tablets, energy drinks) and I'm about to head to bed with no fear of not being able to fall asleep. It was delicious, but not something I'll need to take every day.

What have you tried lately? Anything new in your life?

It's not a race!

I've been plodding along doing my Isagenix - tripping up occasionally but always pulling myself back up and continuing on. I'm looking at this as LIFE, not a diet, so I really see the bigger picture rather than getting hung up on having 'ruined' the day.

The most important thing, to me, is consistency. Being consistent doesn't mean denying myself all the time. It doesn't mean giving in all the time either, which is tough, but consistency is what will get me the results I'm after.

I'm yet to weigh in again - I'm not due for another few days to weigh and measure, but I know that the results will speak for themselves. I know that the results could be better, given my little 'trip-ups', but I also know that the way I have been going is sustainable. I am slightly disappointed in myself, but I am also proud that I have stuck to the plan 90% of the time. I'm most proud, however, that I am looking at this program as my way of life. I have no plans to stop. I have no plans for what I'm going to 'celebrate with' once it's over, because it won't be over. Yes, once I reach my goal weight I will shift into maintenance mode, but that won't be for quite a number of months, perhaps even a year, so the fact that I am looking long term means that this is THE way ahead for me.

My next post will likely be the results of my first 30 days, and I can't wait to see what I've achieved on paper.

Do you want to feel like I do? Do you want to see where this program can take you? Shoot me an email at thenewimprovingmrsp@gmail.com and I will show you how you can take control of your health, and maybe even your wealth.

The reality of war

Recently I have seen two war films - The Water Diviner and Unbroken. Both brought me to tears, and both prodded at my brain like I didn't believe.

Firstly, two completely unbelievable stories. The Water Diviner is based on true events, but a bit of creative licence has been taken (I'm led to believe) with the love story. Unbroken is also a true story. It blows my mind that these stories are not stories, they are lives lived.

Although I knew that we sent men off to war, the reality of war did not hit home to me until I saw a battle scene in The Water Diviner. Young men running across the battlefield, jumping into trenches, and physically punching people until they died. I imagined people on opposite sides firing guns, not this brutal hand-to-hand combat. I cried. Young men dying of fatal wounds, lying there, moaning. I cried. I wanted it to stop.

Then again, during Unbroken, where a couple of guys drifted on a liferaft for a month and a half, and then got starved and bashed up repeatedly in a POW camp, I cried. When they didn't break, through everything that happened, I cried.

War is huge. War these days is different, but still young men and women go off and get killed every day. Some of them don't even know why they're fighting, they just do it because they love their country, they love their freedom, and they want their families to be safe. In the two World Wars, so many families lost people, so many people lost themselves. Both sides had massive casualties. Both sides lost. It hasn't changed now, it's just a little more hands-off. People still die. People still lose.

I don't want my children to have to fight like that, to have to fight at all. I don't want my husband to go off and die so that we can still have a life. I might be changing my little part of the world by improving who I am, discovering who I am, and being who I was destined to be. But I am not enough. We all need to change, to accept others, to accommodate differing belief systems. We all need to believe in kindness over violence, to live together in a world that is great BECAUSE of it's diversity.

Deep. But powerful. More movies like these need to be made, and more people need to see them. More people need to tell their war stories, and more people need to listen. To be affected. To change. To really think about what has happened in the past and decide if they're going to be a part of the solution, or a part of the problem.

I want to be part of the solution, even though I have no idea how that is meant to happen.

Trying new things number 1

My husband and I have decided that our gym memberships are going to waste, so we're going to cancel them and just try new things to keep active. I've already dabbled in a few group PT sessions and a couple of online fitness groups, but there are so many other things out there and I want to experience some new things.

This week I went to a Zumba class. A few years ago, I bought the DVDs and spent a couple of hours trying to do them before giving up and giving them to a friend (who also gave up and gave them away). This friend subsequently went to a real life class and has been loving it and trying to get me to go for AGES. I caved yesterday afternoon.

I absolutely loved it. I had no idea what was going on most of the time - the regulars scream and shout and shake and shimmy.... and I just tried to keep up! I wore my heart rate watch, and I don't think I saw it go below 150 bpm the entire time. I was a sweaty mess by the end of it, but I couldn't wipe the smile off my face.

I'm going to go back regularly - there is a Saturday morning class that we're hoping to go to often and this week while I don't have cali I'll be going on Monday too.

What are you going to try?

The foot-stamping, fist waving tantrum.

The second double cleanse went without a hitch a week ago, and I sort of fell off the wagon from there. At the same time, I haven't fallen so far, so it's not all bad!

On Thursday I had a ridiculous craving for carbs after work, so had a ham and cheese roll and some pita bread that I found in the cupboard for dinner instead of my usual shake. Little did I know that would start a snowball effect that ended in me stamping my foot and waving my fists at my husband, whining and almost in tears the next evening begging for pizza.

Waking up on Friday morning, I was out of sorts - given my carb fest the night before I was all foggy and slept through my alarm. Running late, I didn't take my vitamins or have my shake or Ionix. I got eggs and toast for breakfast at work (did pretty well given we can order ANYTHING we like to be delivered and an egg and bacon muffin was calling my name), and had my usual chicken salad for lunch.

Dinner time came around and I had convinced myself (Evil Mrs P had done it, truth be told) that I was having pizza. Delish! How better to cap off the day of monstrosity than ruin it completely? Sadly, the husband did not have the same idea, and we had a standoff over how it wasn't happening that escalated quickly into me being a toddler and having a tantrum. We did end up ordering, but I had a steak and chips (of which I ate less than a third).

Saturday morning was like a hangover AGAIN. Lesson learned. Isagenix makes my body feel good. The pleasure of eating things that are not good for my body is not worth it the next day. I've spent the whole weekend trying to get that good feeling back, and I don't want to keep doing that.

Tomorrow is the beginning of my final double cleanse for the 30 days, followed by 8 days of shakes. Easy. I can do this. I just need to remember WHY, and that should do the trick. Hopefully Evil Mrs P and The Toddler can have fun playing with each other, so I don't get distracted from the big picture. Me!

The pizza

Tonight my husband ordered pizza. I had eaten lunch as my knife and fork meal today (delicious chicken and salad rolls made by my mother!) so was due to have a shake for dinner. When I got home from running around all day he informed me that he was ordering in.

DH: Are you having a shake for dinner?
Mrs P: Yep. Certainly am!
DH: I'm getting pizza

And then this happened in my head.

Mrs P: Great. He's getting pizza.
Evil Mrs P: Maybe we could have it too?
Mrs P: No. We are having our shake.
Evil Mrs P: Can we? Pretty please?
Mrs P: No. We are having our shake.

It pretty much went like that for an hour. I went into the study to encourage DH to order before I had the chance to cave, and he didn't hesitate in ordering his pizza and not asking me if I wanted any. Good job.

For the next hour, this happened in my head.

Mrs P: I really want pizza, but I'm glad he didn't ask.
Evil Mrs P: I really want pizza. Maybe we can steal a slice?
Mrs P: A slice wouldn't be too bad. I've been super good today and haven't eaten anything bad.
Evil Mrs P: A slice or two. Maybe that would be okay.
Mrs P: Yeah, couldn't be too bad. What am I thinking? It will be bad. I can't eat a whole slice, even if it is only a medium and not a large.
Evil Mrs P: What? What is this nonsense?
Mrs P: I really shouldn't eat a slice. I'm glad I have my shake.
Evil Mrs P: What about just a bite. Like one bite combining crust and topping and maybe an extra pepperoni bit.
Mrs P: Nope. Shake it is.
Evil Mrs P: Just a bit. Not even an edge bit, just a tiny bite.
Mrs P: I suppose that could be okay. We'll just have a bite.

The doorbell rang. DH rushed to collect his bounty, muttering on his way back to his study that he was 'bloody starving and glad it finally came'. I followed him, and opened the box that was on the desk.

Mrs P: Hmmm which bit should I take my one bite from?
DH: None of them. You're not having any.
Mrs P: Are you kidding? Just one bite. That's all I'm having.
DH: Are YOU kidding? How hard have you worked today? How hard have you worked this whole week?
Mrs P: Urgh. You're so frickin' SUPPORTIVE.
DH: Yeah I am.

I walked away, made my shake, had my vitamins, sulked a little. Smelled the smell, and realised that this guy had my best interest at heart. I've had that pizza before. I remember what it tastes like, what it feels like in my mouth. I'll have it again another day. Just not today.

Just for the record, it looked better than this.

Day 8 - This is life now

This Isagenix caper is beginning to feel like a good habit to be having. I don't think I need to do daily updates now, as most days are the same. Shake days or cleanse days, only two types of days. In real life, there are heaps of different types of days, but the basis is the same.

This morning we slept in (love being on holidays!), headed out for some mid-morning shopping, and came home around lunch time. I'd bought some prawns and had some veggies pre-cut from earlier in the week, rustled them together with some quick noodles and called it a meal. After putting it in to MFP a little later in the day, it came out to about 750 calories, which is too high. The recommended intake is 400-600 calories for the 'knife and fork meal', but I could have easily done with half the amount of noodles. Another lesson learned. The meal kept me completely satisfied though, so that's a major plus. Learning to have a delicious meal that ticks all the boxes is definitely difficult.

I've started a list of foods or meals that I want to eat, foods that I probably shouldn't eat, but still want to eat. This list will be used on the couple of 'free' days I have allowed myself over the course of the next few months. You see, yesterday, I set some guidelines for myself. I sat down with my diary and mapped out the next few months. You heard correctly. The next few months.

With 60kg to lose, I'm going to be on the 'losing weight' plan for a long time before I get to be on the 'maintaining weight' plan. Isagenix has plans for every goal, but this specific weight loss bit is the one I'll be following for at least 150 days. That's 5 30-day blocks. So I picked 5 days in that 150 days that will be free days. Days where I don't take the Isagenix products, and I eat whatever I want from the list I'm writing as I go. Chances are, when they come up, I'll choose right. But sometimes I'll choose wrong, and that's okay too.

There are some public holidays, long weekends, and other special occasions in that time, and I've tried to work my free days around those occasions. It's not a foolproof plan, but it allows me to put off 'being off plan' until those times as I've scheduled them in. Giving myself a time to look forward to, a chance to rebel. I find that if I say I'll never have xxx again, I want it all the time, but if I say I'm not having xxx until next week, it doesn't seem so bad. Delaying the gratification.

The next free day is Australia Day - 26 Jan. So until then, I'm on a cycle of shake days and cleanse days. Monday is my first weigh-in on the program, and I'm excited and scared to see what it will show. The weekend in town was a bit of a glitch, but I'll be happy with a loss on Monday morning.

Day 6 and 7 - Where I went off track and then got back on

Image courtesy of Google

Sometimes you go off track, and that's okay. I did it most of yesterday and a bit of today. But not really, because it was all planned.

Yesterday was New Year's Eve. It was also our first wedding anniversary, so a bit of a celebration was to be had. We booked a room in a swanky hotel (The Stamford Plaza*), and spent the afternoon and evening in town. I had intended to have my 2 shakes at home and splurge on dinner, but then we left in a bit of a rush and I realised halfway there that I had forgotten to have my lunch shake. Off track.

DH wanted Nandos for lunch as he hadn't eaten either so I got some grilled tenderloins and had three of his chips. The kj count was roughly the same as a shake, and the protein levels in the chicken matched the shake as well. I was just missing those vital other goodies that are in a shake, but on the whole not a bad deviation. Dinner was pizza - one of those gourmet places where the toppings are scarce and the dough thin and crispy. It was delicious, and I ate two slices more than I should have, but as well, not too bad. I also had a Coke with dinner. Oops.

After dinner we decided to walk back to the hotel and on the way discovered 7-11 sold Ben and Jerry's. This is the major stumble. We got a tub each and ate them in bed. I felt a little sick, but I kept eating until it was gone. Half a litre of delicious fudgey goodness.

For the rest of the night I felt sick. Pains in my gut and a horrible headache. That'll teach me!

This morning we had the hotel buffet breakfast which I went easy on. I had planned that I would be having breakfast as my 'knife and fork meal' today but after last night's sugar rush I felt like restraint was definitely warranted. I had some scrambled eggs, baked beans, sauteed mushrooms, some bacon, a tiny hash brown and a chicken sausage. I skipped the toast, waffles, pancakes and pastries. I was surprised I didn't want any of them! Usually I'm a carb fiend! I even had to give half my bacon to DH as I simply couldn't stomach it. The sausage, though small, was also too much and left me with a horrible taste in my mouth and I only ate it out of habit.

So then the holiday was over, and we were back home. I got straight back into the water and had my shake for dinner. The late breakfast kept me full all day so I didn't think I needed 2 shakes today. I haven't taken the Ionix tonic or any vitamins today, but rest assured I'll be straight back on them in the morning. I want to feel good again.

What surprised me were two things. Firstly, I cannot believe how gross I felt after a couple of not-so-terrible meals. The sugar in the icecream was definitely too much, but even the other meals made me feel gross. There's a lot to say for a meal full of veggies, good protein, and good fats. Secondly, I thought about food a lot yesterday - trying to work out what to have for dinner and lunch - and everything I thought I would want I immediately crossed off as I knew it didn't fit my new goals. This is crazy to me - the girl who used to buy a sweet and a savoury and a chocolate and a chip and a biscuit and a cake and a muffin for a binge.

I don't WANT the sugar and the fat and the carbs, because I know that it's not what my body needs to function correctly. I sure hope this desire continues because I have a buttload (literally) of weight to lose, and this is the year it is going to happen.

This is the year.


*The Stamford Plaza was a wonderful hotel, and I'd love to write more about it except they didn't pay me to write nice things, or nasty things, or anything at all, so this little snippet is all they get. We will be going back though!